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"As they sat in traffic, we slowly rolled past the long line of luxury cars they had in their caravan, looking into each one until we pulled up to the front vehicle and found who we were seeking."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"They want to put me in jail for life? That is just something I got to do."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"I sang because they promised I would not be prosecuted."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"I would rather be poor than do anything besides YouTube."
    -- Jimmy Donaldson
Popular Quotes
"It is with our judgments as with our watches; no two go just alike, yet each believes his own."
    -- Alexander Pope
"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just."
    -- Abraham Lincoln
"The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he makes so many of them."
    -- Abraham Lincoln

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Amy Schumer Quotes

Photo of Amy Schumer
Mike Tyson, you have a slutty lower back tattoo on your face. Men don't know whether to be scared of it, or finish on it.Get Image
Grey's Anatomy is what William Shatner calls his balls.Get Image
William Shatner, I've seen less bloated men being dragged out of rivers. Does Priceline pay you in empenadas?Get Image
I don't say anything for shock value. I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.Get Image
My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wise-ass, so I think the mixture of the two of them is my comedy.Get Image



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