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"As they sat in traffic, we slowly rolled past the long line of luxury cars they had in their caravan, looking into each one until we pulled up to the front vehicle and found who we were seeking."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"They want to put me in jail for life? That is just something I got to do."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"I sang because they promised I would not be prosecuted."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"I would rather be poor than do anything besides YouTube."
    -- Jimmy Donaldson

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"Theories should be as simple as possible, but not simpler."
    -- Albert Einstein
"The future is the past returning through another gate."
    -- Arnold H. Glasgow
"Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices."
    -- Benjamin Franklin


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John Oliver Quotes

Drug companies are a lot like high school boyfriends. They're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once in there.Get Image

The only appropriate question to ask a poly sci major is 'was it weird moving back in with your parents after college.'Get Image

Flip flops are clearly just lingerie for foot fetishists.Get Image

Ostriches are scary horse birds. I don't like them.Get Image

Banjos are just guitars whose parents are cousins.Get Image

Photo of John OliverBiography of John Oliver:

An English comedian, writer, producer, podcaster, actor, media critic, and television host. He is widely known in the U.S. for hosting HBO's Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and for his work on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. He also co-hosts the satirical comedy podcast The Bugle and hosted John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show on Comedy Central. In 2013, Oliver spent eight weeks as the guest host of The Daily Show. Oliver then left the show at the end of 2013 and began hosting Last Week Tonight on 27 April 2014. He plays a recurring character, Professor Ian Duncan, on the television series Community.

Oliver first appeared at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2001 as part of The Comedy Zone, a late-night showcase of newer acts, where he played the character of an "oleaginous journalist." He performed his debut solo show in 2002 and returned in 2003. In 2004 and 2005, he collaborated with Andy Zaltzman on a double act and co-hosting Political Animal, with various acts performing political material. After moving to New York City for The Daily Show, Oliver began performing stand-up in small clubs around the city and later headlined shows in larger venues. Oliver's first stand-up special, entitled John Oliver: Terrifying Times, debuted on Comedy Central in 2008 and was later released on DVD. Since 2010, Oliver has hosted four seasons of John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show.




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