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"As they sat in traffic, we slowly rolled past the long line of luxury cars they had in their caravan, looking into each one until we pulled up to the front vehicle and found who we were seeking."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"They want to put me in jail for life? That is just something I got to do."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"I sang because they promised I would not be prosecuted."
    -- Duane Keith Davis
"I would rather be poor than do anything besides YouTube."
    -- Jimmy Donaldson

Popular Quotes
"My wife got a Fitbit for the sole purpose of proving how many times I wake her up in the middle of the night by snoring."
    -- Simon Holland
"Meat eaters believe that the only source of protein for building muscle is animal protein. The fact is that animal protein slows down digestion and the body has to get more energy from body to work harder to break down this protein because human body is not designed to digest meat. But plant-based protein is easily absorbed and turned into energy."
    -- Nasim Najafi Aghdam
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."
    -- Albert Einstein


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John Oliver Quotes

Doughnuts are bagels that gave up on their dreams.Get Image

No thank you subtitles, stop trying to turn my movie into a book.Get Image

Sloppy joes are just drunk hamburgers.Get Image

Seagulls are like if your deadbeat brother was a flock of birds.Get Image

Butterflies are nothing but pretentious high maintenance moths.Get Image

Photo of John OliverBiography of John Oliver:

An English comedian, writer, producer, podcaster, actor, media critic, and television host. He is widely known in the U.S. for hosting HBO's Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and for his work on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. He also co-hosts the satirical comedy podcast The Bugle and hosted John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show on Comedy Central. In 2013, Oliver spent eight weeks as the guest host of The Daily Show. Oliver then left the show at the end of 2013 and began hosting Last Week Tonight on 27 April 2014. He plays a recurring character, Professor Ian Duncan, on the television series Community.

Oliver first appeared at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2001 as part of The Comedy Zone, a late-night showcase of newer acts, where he played the character of an "oleaginous journalist." He performed his debut solo show in 2002 and returned in 2003. In 2004 and 2005, he collaborated with Andy Zaltzman on a double act and co-hosting Political Animal, with various acts performing political material. After moving to New York City for The Daily Show, Oliver began performing stand-up in small clubs around the city and later headlined shows in larger venues. Oliver's first stand-up special, entitled John Oliver: Terrifying Times, debuted on Comedy Central in 2008 and was later released on DVD. Since 2010, Oliver has hosted four seasons of John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show.




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